Relational connections are how we interact within interpersonal relationships. In childhood, relational connections contribute to how we relate to others and ourselves in adulthood.
There are three relational parenting styles which contribute to our relational connections.
Functional – In functional parenting the energy from the parent is directed towards the child. The parent provides the child with three important needs: Affirmation, protection and nurturing.
Enmeshed – In enmeshed parenting, the energy from the child is directed towards the parent. The child feels a need to take care of the parent. The parent may even use the child to get their needs met. The child affirms, nurtures and protects the parent and the child's needs go unmet.
Avoidant – In avoidant parenting the parent avoids the child. The parent’s energy is leaving the child with their needs being unmet.
When children grow up with functional parenting they learn how to affirm, set boundaries and nurture themselves. Because their needs are met, they feel intrinsic worth and value which results in positive self-esteem. A child that grows up with enmeshed or avoidant parenting has difficulty affirming, nurturing and setting boundaries with others. This is because of low self-worth from unmet childhood needs. It is common to reach adulthood feeling your needs are less important than others. These difficulties occur for two reasons: the lack of knowledge to provide oneself with needs and being drawn into relationships they are familiar within. These relationships perpetuate the familiarity of avoidant or enmeshment styles where needs are sacrificed.
There is hope to resolve the inability to feel intrinsic value, affirm and set boundaries as an adult. Regardless of which relational parenting style you experienced as a child, anyone can learn to reparent themselves. Learning to reparent yourself can keep you from depending on your relational connections to meet intrinsic needs. Reparenting allows you to provide affirmation, protection and nurturing that improves how you view your worth. People with high self-worth can then learn to set boundaries, nurture, and affirm themselves.
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